


Law of Attraction

by LazBriar



Category: Gravity Falls, Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angel Dust bonding with kids, Cute, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Slow Burn, Teasing, Yes you read that right, You didn't ask for it but you have it anyway, commission, crack ship, gen - Freeform, m/m - Freeform, mild romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2020-11-27 06:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20943929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazBriar/pseuds/LazBriar
Summary: Ford Pines has been doing some exploring since the events of Bill Cipher, leading him to the Happy Hotel.(Un)fortunately for him, a four-armed sinner's taken quite the interest in his work.





	1. Law of Attraction - Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends! I was commissioned to write a brief story with Ford Pines and Angel Dust. Why? I don't know, but it exists now.
> 
> More on the way? Entirely depends.

Just when you think there’s nothing left to discover, a door opens and everything changes. _Literally._

Ford was familiar with the ever-expanding universe and its near-endless windows. Timelines, alternate dimensions, weird stuff. _Especially _the weird stuff. The amount of things he’d seen and learned since the events of Gravity Falls and that rather pesky fellow, Bill Cipher, was astonishing. Not only of the Fall’s natural innate properties for bending reality, but also opportunity.

What’s opportunity without a little discovery? And discover Ford did. Portals lead to the strangest places, after all. But this time it was different. _Very _different.

“I honestly can’t believe this place.”

His mind exploded with questions, wanting to know the exacts, the whys, the whens. . . all of it. Surrounding him was an old, baroque building, its walls lined with fancy furnishings and old portraits of long-gone guests, a variety of statues and ornamentations lining it from room to room. It was also a place in disrepair, with broken windows and boarded doors littering the mysterious structure, indicating it was out of commission or used for something different than its current purpose.

“Well, feel free to take notes, Mr. Ford!”

Ford pulled down his glasses, wiping them off and rubbing his eyes, glancing back to the smiling, alabaster figure just _beaming _at him. She had long, flowing gold locks and a generous, welcoming smile. Charlotte Magne (or Charlie), a royal, a Princess. . . daughter of Lucifer? It was complicated.

A week ago, Ford happened upon this realm, this world, through one of his fiddling portals. It was, by every account, Hell. The Down Below, the Underworld, the Bad End for Sinners. Yet, it was a functional, autonomous city with its own power struggles, governments, regimes, and violence. Oh, dear, a lot of that. Chaos, really. Not exactly the best kind, the “reminded of Cipher” kind.

But his approach, his arrival, it was met with fascination. One lone night he walked through a tear in dimensional space much to the terrified jubilation of a fellow scientific mind, a Baxter, a man with the appearance of a deep-sea fish, who proceed to gasp and sputter and notify the residents of this place. This Hotel.

_The Happy Hotel._

His abridged notes: Charlie was fascinated by humans, unaware of ever seeing one up close, and was overjoyed to have an authentic, living _person _in her domain. She was quick to explain her role and the objective of the Happy Hotel, to redeem sinners, to set them on the good and straight. Because the alternative, apparently, was total extermination, conducted once every annum. A harrowing prospect.

“Oh, I fully intend to, Miss Magne, I do. It’s just. . . so much. I’ve got so many questions and things and. . .”

He flicked out his new journal, empty, scribbling down timid notes about his observations and signs of significance. A lot of Pentagrams. And eyes, egads, so many eyes!

Charlie clapped her hands together. “Oh, I do too! I’m so curious about the Above and what humans get up too. Is it true you kill trees and dress them up for holiday?”

Ford flicked his notes shut, clearing throat. “Oh, well, it’s a bit a nicer than that, ahh. . .”

Hmm, maybe she was right. At any rate, the Hotel and the rest of the City was nothing short of overwhelming. It was, essentially, another civilization. And he hadn’t even had the opportunity to study the stars! There were planetoid objects up there and, egad! The implication of it all! This was truly as mesmerizing as the various dimensions he’d seen tracking Cipher, only this time, hopefully, with a little less “world ending potential” results.

“Miss Magne, you don’t mind if I have a seat, do you? Interdimensional warping takes it out of you, you know?”

She waved a hand, cheery as ever, songnotes practically _bursting _from her. “Not at all, not at all! Please, I can only imagine it’s exhausting. Can the Bois get you something? Anything?”

Ford huffed, rubbing his next. “Er, coffee. Black. I should be fine.”

Charlie was more than happy to oblige, leaving Ford to wander back to the main quarters and seat himself. He noted the annoyed, disinterested scowl from a winged feline, prompted Ford to take additional notes.

“The hell ya’ doing, scribbles? Knock it off,” spat the cat, outright hissing.

Ford adjusted his glasses, mumbling. _“Hmm. Prone. . . to. . . aggression. . .”_

A slew of curses erupted from the sinner (known as Husk), many of which Ford didn’t want to repeat. Still, the grumpy creature was as fascinating as the rest. Ford didn’t have time to meet any of them on a more “intimate” basis, so to speak, but he was casually familiar with a few. Charlie, of course, was the most outspoken and the one often involved in his return meetings. Then there were her stewards, the hovering, Jersey-Devil like Goats. Her assistant, Vaggie, then Husk, a rather dangerous looking fellow named Alastor, Niffty, the rambunctious maid, the pouting dog anthropoid, Crymini, and then. . .

“Ey, fuckin’ pointdexter, ya’ back.”

Ah. Angel Dust.

Ford cleared his throat. The first time he “met” the tall, multi-limbed arachnid, he only recalled a variance of glances and gazes one could describe as ‘flirty.’ Well, that was underselling it, wasn’t it? Angel seemed the type to tear off your clothes without a moment’s notice. For the right price, at least.

Ford tapped his pen, looking away. “Oh, yes, I am. Ahm. Doing more field research.”

Angel sauntered over, one of his extra hands resting on hip. Of the guests Ford knew thus far, _this _one struck him as the most chaotic and unpredictable. Even his name! Titled after an addictive drug compound? Oh that couldn’t be good news.

The spider ran a hand through his hair tuft, smirking. “Dat’ sounds borin’. Ain’t no fun inna’ book.”

Ford sighed, glancing. “These are _notes, _and, that that’s a highly inaccurate statement. Books are the window to discovery. I’m here because of books.”

Angel only snickered. “What a fuckin’ snore!”

Ford grumbled, adjusting his glasses. He wasn’t keen on having his life’s work laughed at by this. . . demon.

“Hmph, something tells me you’re not a man of science.”

Ford paused. A man, that was. . . an interesting conclusion to reach. He’d seen plenty of new and different things across his travels, so it wasn’t like Angel was _alarming. _But at a distance, one easily concluded Angel Dust was, in fact, a lady. A well dressed one with all the swagger and allure of an “evening mistress.” But once those teeth flared, gold canine glinting, it was all too obvious where his physical disposition was.

Not that Ford minded. In fact, it was rather attractive.

No, n-no, not attractive _that way! _N-no. The confidence way, yes, absolutely. Angel Dust, in the few times he’d met the spider, struck Ford as someone entirely comfortable with themselves and their appearance. They owned it, and, there was something very courageous about that, especially in a place as vicious as Hell. Every dimension could use a little more courage.

“Pftuh, sci-antz? Yeh, not big on fancy numbers n’words. I’m more. . . physical education,” said Angel with a wink.

The spider took a moment to plop himself next to Ford, stretching his legs, getting close. A bit too close.

“I see,” said Ford, keeping his composure. He cleared his throat.

“Well, you uh, are in shape, it appears.”

Angel tilted his head. “Ohhh, ya’ think? Mm, I _do _watch m’figure. Wanna see?”

Ford glanced away, focusing on the wall. All right, this was getting a little _warm. _He could really use a distraction right now. Like anything. Like Charlie or one of the goats or _anything. _

“Oh, I’m sure that’s very, um, nice.”

He was distracted by the rustle of fabric.

Angel promptly pulled up his Valentino suit, showing off his slim tummy, wielding a grin just _oozing _mischief.

“Seeee?”

All right, this was getting ridiculous. Ford was here for research. _Research. _Right now, Angel Dust was doing everything to distract him.

“Y-yes, very nice, Angel.”

The spider pulled his suit down, feigning a frown. “Just nice? Awh, must be losin’ m’touch.”

At once, Angel leaned into Ford, looking down at the notebook full of scribbles, interested. Or, more accurately, wondered what was more interesting than _him._

“Ya’ know, ya’ been hauntin’ this place like a spook fer a couple weeks. What’cha been doin’, eh?”

Ford took a breath. _All right, take it easy, stay calm. No need to do anything rash, he’s extra friendly, that’s all._

“I told you,” Ford said, shifting. “Field research.”

Angel scoffed. “Pssh. _Books. _Ya’ need the genuine article, babe, and I’m front-fuckin’-page news.”

Now, Angel Dust got closer, practically purring in Ford’s ear. “’Sides, ain’t research s’posed to be _hands on, _eh?”

Ford felt his face go hot. Now what was all this? Certainly, he could afford to be less, well, flustered by the spider. This wasn’t a big deal, and he wasn’t even looking for a, uh, “partner.” Egads, what would the children think!?

He fixated his gaze on the wall. Surely that would have an answer!

“Sometimes,” he managed. “But it’s a lot of hypotheticals first.”

Angel blinked. “Hypowhowhats?”

Ford took a breath. Agh. This Angel’s proximity was strangely relaxing, and there was the gentle hint of perfume hugging his frame. It drew him in, comforting. It was, after all, company, and when was the last time he was wit anyone in more, uh, intimate sense?

“Proposing a theory to solve with evidence, research, th-”

Angel snorted. “Boooooring.”

Ford flushed, a little frustrated. His research was important to him, and he wasn’t going to have it disresp-

His mind _screamed _to a stop when Angel’s palm slipped to his crotch, offering an indelicate, abrupt squeeze. A roiling wave of excited but concerned sensations spiked through his frame liked lightning and he sputtered, coughing, jumping to his feet.

“No, _no thank you,” _he said, not quite convinced of his own words. “I’m sorry, Angel, I’m going to have to reject your advances.”

Angel only purred, fluttering his eyelids. “Uh huh. From what I felt, ya’ wasn’t rejectin’ nothin’.”

Ford’s chest heaved. Focusfocusfocus_please._

He turned to Angel, raising a hand. “For god’s sakes, Angel, control yourself! What would the kids think!?”

Angel’s smile vanished. “Kids? T’fuck ya’ talkin’ bout?”

Oh, right. He never mentioned Dipper and Mabel. He sighed, glad to have shifted subjects.

“Er. Yes. Kids. I have a niece and a nephew. They’re very important to me and I don’t think getting up to. . . _things _makes a good impression.”

_Great grandfather geese, what would Mabel think? _Ford thought.

Ford expected Angel Dust to react as he’d done previously: poorly. The spider, he noticed, had a habit of “partaking” substances or operating on a pathology of violence.

. . .but instead, Angel smiled.

“Awwwwwww. Ya’ do? Ya’ got a couple o’ little trash babies runnin’ around?”

Ford shuffled his notebook inside his coat. “Well, they’re not mine and. . . wait, trash babies? Please. _Niece and nephew.”_

It was like a switch was flicked. “Cuuuuute,” Angel tittered. “Ya’ got pictures?”

Ford paused. Was the spider being serious? All this time it looked like he was trying to get into his pants and now he wanted to see the two? Hmm. A peculiar reaction. A welcome one. But also, he hesitated. Was it wise to expose them to a creature like Angel Dust? He was a demon, after all.

_Oh, after Cipher, what’s the worst that could happen?_

And. . . for some reason, he wanted Angel to like them, because if he liked them, he’d like _him _more. N-not that it mattered.

“Er. Yes, well, a few.”

He reached into his coat, pulling out one of his favorite photos: Mabel and Dipper making faces next to an annoyed, but happy, Ford. He held out the picture. “Here.”

Angel sprang up and immediately snatched the photo, ogling it with growing enthuse. His visage pulled with a soft, warm smile.

“Look at em’. Ahaha. That one’s a fuckin’ dork and the other. . . ahahaha, her sweater! What a couple o’ cuties.”

Ford was. . . relieved. “You like them?”

“Yeh.”

He flicked the picture back at Ford.

“You gonna’ introduce me to em’, right?”

-*-

To Be Continued


	2. Law of Attraction - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford continues studying at the Hotel, visited by Angel Dust.

**Law of Attraction – Part II**

They were kind enough to offer him a room, though he didn’t quite fit the criteria of “sinner.” Well, that was all a gray area anyway! Multi-dimensional travel didn’t leave many nuances for questioning things.

Still, Ford found it quite accommodating. Luxurious by most standards, anyway. The Happy (Hazbin?) Hotel was run down, a decrepit abomination of a thing that looked like a jigsaw puzzle of structures jammed into it. How did it even stand? Why, he could fashion a hundred marvelous theories about it, if he had the time (and he did). So many questions, so many symbols. Gravity Falls was a wealth of strange, odd happenstances located in a single space, but all _this? _This domain of Hell? Ahh it was so much, he could fill entire libraries of things to discover.

But he was getting ahead of himself, _far _too ahead of himself. How long he intended to linger was another matter entirely. He wasn’t even sure if his physiology would last. Traveling and warping around the cosmos had given him some resistance, but, even _here _he could feel himself fade, at least in the most basic of senses. This realm wasn’t meant for people like him, and if he lingered too long without breaking back home, he feared he might collapse into a puddle of unrecognizable goo.

Part of him wanted to return (for personal safety, of course), but the other was so – dare he say – tempted by his surroundings? Marvelous sights, all of them. Especially. . . that one in particular.

Ford cleared his throat, shaking off the thoughts. He had a new journal open, unmarked, fit with new scribblings and sketches of the different things he’d seen. He needed to focus. He was a man of the highest science and he couldn’t let _other thoughts _get in his way. Even though said “other thoughts” were taking up a frightening amount of headspace. He even found himself indirectly sketching the object of his newest fancy, especially those eyes, those wide, enrapturing eyes.

Huh. Angel Dust. No, no, not the _substance, _the. . .

“Nice spidah.”

He coughed and buckled over, leaning over his desk, snapping the journal shut. From his side, behind him, was the effeminate shape of said Angel Dust. He was in casual attire – a long pink tee and _short _shorts gripping his hips, wearing an amused smirk.

Ford glanced back. “How’d you get in here!?”

Angel snorted, gesturing to Ford’s _very open _room door. “Uhh, ya’ forget what locks are, genius? Ain’t you s’posed to be the smart one? Haha.”

Ford looked. Ah. Guess in all that excitement he’d completely forgotten. Still.

He adjusted himself. “That’s not an invitation to just _waltz _in here.”

“Why?” said Angel, taking a moment to look around the room, eyeing the few personal items Ford had brought with him. “Was ya’ about to jackoff? Cause I can help with dat’ if ya’ want, ehehehehe.”

Ford grumbled. “Fancy” this fellow, blunt and as subtle as a bull in a china shop.

“Research, in fact. Like I’ve been doing.”

Angel mimed a yawn, waltzing over to the nightstand next to Ford’s bed. “Snoozeville, poindextah. Ya’ know, betcha’ nerds get backed up too like eeeeverybody else. . .”

Angel trailed off, leaning, his eyes coming to a photograph. He recognized the figures on it – two young kids, smiling and looking as happy as could be in a location he didn’t recognize. Actual kids. The spider’s eyes sparkled.

Recognized because these were the same children from before, though poindexter didn’t elaborate too much on either. A hand came to take the photograph, studying it, a warm, genuine smile stretching Angel’s features.

“. . awwhhhhh lookatem!” he cooed, clicking his tongue. “Look at de’ze precious little trash monsters, ahaha!”

Ford turned, glaring. “Trash monsters!?” he barked. Angel’s head wobbled with chiding laughs.

“Relax, relax ya’ fuckin’ stiff,” he said, waiving a hand. “They’ze cute. Super cute! What’cha say again? Yer babies?”

The older scientist sighed. “No. Niece and nephew.”

“Oooo, sexy uncle,” continued Angel, studying the photograph. “And how come the little muffin’s ain’t wit’cha now?”

For a moment, Ford paused. His heart sank, remembering the cheery disposition of Mabel and the stalwart curiosity of Dipper. He missed them _a lot. _It’d been a while since the events of Bill and they had to go their own way, such was life, such were kids. Not to say they were absent from his life in totality, but, he didn’t want to pester them with his obsessions.

“Doing well,” he finally said. “Being kids, I hope. Having fun, enjoying life.”

Angel noted the shift in Ford’s tone. He opened his mouth to toss a snide remark, but stopped himself. Eventually he set the photo back down.

“I’d love to meet em’,” he said, repeating his desire from earlier. “Dey’ look reaaal fuckin’ sweet.”

Ford forced a dry laugh. “I think you’re a little _too much _for them, Angel.”

Like a switch, Angel shifted back to “himself.” He twirled, gesturing at himself, pushing hand into generous, plush “cleavage.”

“What’s dat s’posed to mean?” he said with a sneer. “I’m _perfect _baby. ‘Sides, bet’cha I could give the little imp makeup tips. Seriously, eyeliner and a pastel rainbow sweater? Eesh, girl, try a dress.”

The idea of someone like _Angel Dust _interacting with Mabel about appearances sent a shiver up Ford’s spine.

“No, _no, _I think she’s fine just as she is.”

Angel rolled his eyes, shrugging. “Whatevah.”

None too keen to let Ford off so easy, he sauntered towards the studying scientist, getting close. Perhaps a bit _too _close.

“What’cha been scribblin’ down anyway? Gah, you were doin’ that nonstop when ya’ got here, specks.”

Ford wasn’t sure whether or not sharing his notes with the spider was a wise idea. Not that Angel gave him the impression he was _interested _in “science,” as Angel put it. But, the last time someone got a hold of his notes, well, reality almost fell apart. A drug using spider could get up to a lot of trouble notes on warping reality.

“Work,” he said, glib. “Just work.”

Angel scoffed. “Yeah, can see dat, specks, but what _kiiiiinda’ _work. Is it really more interestin’ than me, eh?”

Looks like Angel wouldn’t relent, either. Persistent when trying to catch a fly, wasn’t he? Ford grumbled, protective. But, Angel hadn’t done anything wrong. _Yet._

He sighed. “Notes, mainly. I find this place, uh, fascinating. Even the _building _marvelous! How does it stand, what’s holding it together? How do souls transmute form the living plain to this? I have so many questions and so little time!”

Angel Dust blinked. “N’huh?”

Ah, he nearly lost him. “It’s not important. I’m just studying things, is all.”

The spider tilted his head. “Studyin’, eh? Ya’ know I think I’m a _real _fascinatin’ subject m’self, pointdextah.”

He got closer. In fact, so close his breath touched the nape of Ford’s neck, warm, soft, and _inviting. _“Ya’ diddlin’ too much with dat science-y stuff. What, like chemicals n’shit? I got some uppers if ya’ interested, eheheh.”

Ford grunted, a bead of sweat rolling down his cheek. His face went flush. Flush? Why? Why was _this _getting to him? He’d dealt with reality warping cosmic entities like Bill, _face to face. _Surely, a flirtatious spider wouldn’t get the best of him?

“If I’m being honest, that wouldn’t work anyway,” Ford said, clearing his throat and shutting the journal. “My mind is too focused for that.”

Here, Angel’s gloved hands came to Ford’s shoulders, applying a soft squeeze.

“Jee-zus, Fordy, fuckin’ relax, ain’t seen a stiffy this hard since _Da’ Revenge of Horsecock Harry.”_

“Excuse me?”

Angel smirked. “’Scused.”

“You’ze really need to take da’ starch outta’ ya panties. Have a little fun! You’ze in Hell, baby, best place to fuck, get fucked, n’well. . .fuck!”

Ford’s eyes widened. “No, _no. _I’m sorry but, no, _no. _What would the children think?”

A sneer. “Dey ain’t here, is they? Awww, c’mon Fordy, I’ll give ya’ a _real _hands on hyp. . .hip. . . hypothat. .”

“. . .hypothesis?”

Angel snapped his fingers, pecking Ford on the cheek. “Yeah, dat.”

Brr. The soft, warm lips sent a wave of heat through Ford. When was the last time he felt something like that? Intimacy, physical contact that wasn’t family? A while. So long, in fact, Ford couldn’t really remember. Not that was _wanting _for it, the majesty of the cosmos and all that beckoned were admittedly far more interesting concepts than, well, sex. And yet, here he was, with this effeminate spider, spilling a new, familiar sensation back into his body: _want._

_Egads, control yourself man! You’re a person of science, ingenuity! Have some standards!_

_. . .what, are you trying to say Angel is below your standards? That’s a bit judgmental, don’t you think?_

“I’m going. . . to have to reject your advances,” Ford said, voice weak, uncertain of even himself. Unfortunately, the spider picked _right _on that, and wouldn’t be swayed otherwise.

“Well, if ya’ don’t like fuckin’ fat lines, I got somethin’ else for you, toots.”

Ford hesitated, frame straightening. “What are you talk-”

At once, a sharp, stinging sensation erupted through Ford’s neck, a harsh jab like hot metal pierced his skin. He grunted in surprised, glancing to see one Angel Dust wearing a wicked grin, sinking his teeth into the peach flesh. The spider mumbled with laughter, tongue racing across where his teeth hit. But it wasn’t only a hard bite. Something _else_ was happening.

It was as though liquid fire drifted into Ford’s frame, every heartbeat sending a fresh wave of dizzying, chemical heat throughout his bloodstream. His head felt foggy, like a euphoric glow masked his thoughts, his senses dulled. What in god’s name!? What was the spider doing!? A venom, clearly, that was the only explanation. For a moment, Ford felt a jolt of panic. Was he in danger? Oh, of course he was, he let his guard down! This was a demonic arachnid, and now, certainly, he was on the menu! Ford tried to resist, attempted to push himself up, but the injection left him weak in the knees, his muscles relaxed.

“Shhh, shhh, no no no baby, relaaaaax,” Angel said, taking away his fangs, licking teeth clean of blood and saliva.

“Pack ya’ bags, babe, m’takin’ ya on a trip.”

Ford blinked. The heat passed, but transitioned into a new feeling. He _was _relaxed, dreamlike even, and a blissful sensation started to overtake him. Everything felt visceral, as though it was just _better. _Colors, sounds, smells, it was a scale on 11. Felt _good._ _Really good. _

“Oh. . . gracious. . .”

Gracious indeed. The venom wasn’t only paralyzing for its physical intensity, but, it was having a _different _affect. Down _below _specifically. _Oh my. _A swelling hardness overtook his loins, blood surging into his bestial root. He twitched and at once, his inches sprung to life, squirming against the tightness of his pants. It was immediately uncomfortable – goddamn there was no space down there! It collided upon Ford like an asteroid he hadn’t had _relations _with anyone for very, very long time.

What was happening? Reason was abandoning him. His normally cool, controlled thoughts were merging into desire, want, _lust. _And damn, those lips, that tongue, they weren’t helping. The spider ran it across his shoulder, warm wetness savoring the flavor of salty copper. Ford, get a hold of yourself!

Agh, except, there _was _no control now. Angel’s venom combined with his _everything _was undoing any measure of reservation Ford had left. His normally scientific, reasonable mind wave way to sordid concepts and desires, and he started thinking of Angel in _different _ways. “Haha, see, ya’ ain’t so hard to get goin’ after all,” chided the spider.

Nothing got Angel going more than winning over a “cool Johnny” with his temptations and wiles. The poindexter was trapped in his metaphorical web like a grumpy fly, and the spider planned to get his fill. But first. . .

“Ey, don’t take dis personal Fordy,” said Angel, a hand drifting into one of his pockets before procuring a wallet and a few bills. “Gotta’ get paid, y’know?”

Ford, face o’flush, didn’t respond with much coherence. Angel winked back, kissing his forehead. “I don’t like ya’ _that _much. Not yet at least, eheheheh!”

“Nnng, Angel. . .” Ford muttered, teeth clenched. Egads, it was starting to hurt down there. Angel noticed.

“Hang on baby, hang on, I ain’t gonna’ leave you like dat for long, don’t worry.”

Indeed, Angel took the chair and spun it towards him, away from the desk before the spider slid to knees, licking his lips. His fingers went to pants, unzipping the resilient trousers, unbuckling, the straining member _raging _to get out of briefs. A tiny dot of damp presex stained the undergarments, and Angel’s eyes went wild.

“Ooonf, baby, ya’ so fuckin’ needy, huh?”

Ford could only muster a rasping nod. Lust, venom, and a demon spider were a _hell _of a concoction. Had to make a note to get a sample. . . later. . .

Wait, sample? He couldn’t think straight. All he could see was Angel, all he could _feel _were those hands pinching his briefs, pulling, revealing his flank as it sprung into the cool room air. Ford grumbled in surprise at himself. He was so hard it _hurt _and his tip was glistening with, uh, _him. _This was so intense, so over the top. How filthy! How could anyone do this kind of thing!? He could tell where Angel was going, what he planned to do, even in his hazy state and he was both a little repulsed and inconceivably aroused. More so the latter.

“Awwwww, pooor stiffy,” Angel cooed, taking the flank in his hands and applying slow, gentle strokes. His palm was as warm silk, gliding across the shaft with ease, lubricated by the dollop of presex leaking from Ford’s tip.

“When da’ fuck ya’ worked this john over?” continued the spider, glancing at it. “Goddam bazooka look like it ain’t been touched in. . .”

Ford grunted again, hands clenching chair. Agh, those damn words, those filthy wonderful words.

Angel continued his motions, an extra palm coming under Ford’s testes, massaging carefully, squeezing, keeping a tight, warm grip on the twitching member. “Seriously, when? Ya’ look fuckin’ backed up. Ya’ ain’t bout to pop on me, is ya’ stud?”

Ford closed his eyes. Egads, he wanted more. “Could you just keep going?” he pleaded, voice hoarse.

Angel glanced up, then laughed. “Ooooh. Yeeeesssir. Ya’ want me t’call ya’ daddy too?”

“Please don’t.”

The arachnid shrugged. “Eh. Yer loss.” Settling to knees, he tossed his fluff hair, using two hands to work over the heated pole, making sure every thick inch was attended by his squeezing, skilled digits. This incurred rolling, wanting groans from Ford, his head lolled back as a state of physical bliss overcame him. Damn, that venom was doing its magic, too. He could tell – the sensations were _far _more intense than before, and it was a wonder he didn’t _lose it _right here and now. Perhaps the spider knew _just _how far to push and pull, keeping him from peaking too early.

Ford wasn’t given more time to contemplate the “mechanics” of the spider’s seductions. No, instead those warm, wet lips arrived at his tip, planting a supple kiss. “Mwah,” cooed the spider, grinning as he did.

The scientist grunted, watching Angel Dust do it again and again, smooching the tip multiple times, leaving a trail of glaze. He continued to assault the inches with kisses, running them across the shaft, getting Ford “warmed up” as it were. Each one sent a hot pang of radiating pleasure through him, and all Ford knew was one thing: he wanted more, he wanted Angel Dust to _keep going._

Those groans only encouraged Angel more. “Ooooh, he liiiikes,” purred the spider, taking his tongue and rolling it across the shaft’s end, taking long, slow strokes.

“What’cha like, baby, innies or outies?”

Ford looked down, cheeks hot. “E-excuse me?”

“I mean, d’ya wanna’ fuckin jizz on my face or me t’swallow?”

Ford’s eyes widened. Egads, what was he saying? How crass! “I d-don’t. . .”

Angel massaged the rod in one palm, putting finger to chin while he considered. “Ehhhh let’s guzzle ya’ up. I _just _showered, ain’t getting’ messy again.”

Before Ford had a moment to protest, the spider was on his length. Those warm, tight lips wrapped about his first inches with gusto, offering a chuckle as the spider got Ford’s root all snug in his oral chamber. He glanced up in servile fashion, fluttering big, submissive eyes. Two of his spare hands came to the scientist’s knees, squeezing, before wobbling his head in timid, slow tosses.

Ford, full of venom and lust, was at Angel’s mercy. Ah it was too much, so overwhelming in mind and sense and _soul. _The pleasure erupting throughout his cock was like a refreshing shockwave, a spike of hot electricity he’d forgotten about. Angel slurped, burying that rod into his warm, awaiting throat, bulging it, mumbling as he took it all. Briefly, Angel had to release it with a loud pop, coughing to the side and gasping for air.

“Ohohoho f-fuck, you’ze a big one, ain’t ya poindexter? Ya’ do somethin’ to hide this howitzer stud, cause uhhh, wooo. . .”

For didn’t have a reply. His common sense let him, much to Angel’s amusement.

“Ain’t so smart now, is ya?”

The spider took the flank and smacked it against his cheek, running the tip across visage, making a surprised face. “Awww, nerds is all the same once ya’ get their dick worked over.”

“Nnnnfff…”

Angel blinked. “Nice lecture.”

One more kiss, one more shrug, and the spider continued. He engulfed the flank, but this time, hastened his pace, head thrashing against the fleshy root. Each stroke of lips forced a sloppy, sticky chorus to erupt from his actions, a dribble of saliva racing down his chin as he worked. He purred and mumbled with each stroke of lips, creating a pleasant vibration around Ford’s mast, pushing him closer and closer to peak. Ford arched, head lulling to the side, consumed in a state of physical, chemical ecstasy.

And then, like a refined bottle of wine, he popped.

“GMMF!”

Angel hacked in surprised as a jettison of issue pounced from Ford’s tip, releasing an issue of hot white into the spider’s awaiting maw. Angel blinked, but didn’t resist, choking down the savory seed, slamming his head until lips reached threshold, swallowing every drop of what Ford had to offer.

“Mmmmhmmm. . .” Angel cooed, looking up as the scientist groaned aloud, shaking and quivering. It had been a while. Damn long while. He couldn’t even recall the last time anyone touched him like _this. _

Finally, Angel popped him free, licking his lips, eyeing the gooey cock as it dripped with saliva and sex, chuckling.

“Awwwww ya’ poor fuddy duddy. I can tell you ain’t been worked on for a while!”

He gulped, swallowing, before standing, wiping his lips. “Not bad though.”

Ford panted, hardly conscious, dizzy eyes going to stare at the effeminate arachnid. Angel Dust simpered, ruffling his hair.

“Enjoy dat’ buzz, handsome. And _relax, _would ya’!”

Angel glanced around, satisfied with his work, taking one more look at the picture of the kids. “Now, I hope I get t’meet those cuties sometime, they seem real sweet, kaaaay Fordy?”

Ford raised a hand. “W-wait. . .”

Angel Dust shook his head, prancing away. “I’ll cya’ later hot stuff! Don’t be a stranger noooow! Toodles!”

Egads. He was gone already. That damn spider and this damn venom!

. . .it was amazing.


	3. Law of Attraction - Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel Dust comes back with Ford Pines to Gravity Falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, this IS still a thing.
> 
> Worth nothing I'm definitely taking a few liberties with canon events. Because come on, this is too darn cute to not write!

**Law of Attraction – Part III**

Ford was used to making decisions involving the matter of reality and dimensional travel. He was also used to the chaos it typically involved, if the past was anything to go by. So much could be learned when stepping through a gateway lead him to places where intelligent fungus grew on floating asteroids in the middle of unknown space. That was discovery, after all, one of the essential ingredients to science.

But this?

He looked over his transport device with a touch more uncertainly than usual. This small contraption was good for quick jumps hither-and-dither, capable of pulling him home. Sometimes he had specific coordinates in mind, and other times he just let the dice roll. It was how he found the city, after all, this “afterlife.” Guess it was close to home, to Earth. Now, he was heading back, back to Gravity Falls to compile his studies and put some of his theories to work. Save, uh, he wasn’t alone.

Was this a good idea? He glanced behind him. There, looking himself over with a flip mirror, checking mascara and eyeliner, was a companion he didn’t quite expect to fall under his company. Lithe, tall, speckled with pink marks and mismatched eyes was a spider, coyly referring to himself as “Angel Dust.” Said spider lived up to his name and proved to be. . . unstable. An unknown quotient in an elaborate formula. And _now _he was coming back with Ford, back to Gravity Falls.

Was this a good idea?

_Is bringing back a being that’s a literal demon capable of summon dangerous automatic weapons with a short temper and lusty attitude a good idea?_

. . .alright. Well, he’d done worse.

“Ya’ ready or what? M’legs are gettin’ numb, Fordy.”

Ford took a breath, setting the device down. They were in his room, a large enough space to not cause any serious temporal distortion. He hoped.

“Yes, but,” he started, turning to Angel. “Remember what I said?”

Angel snapped the mirror shut and stowed it away. “Yeahyeahyeah, play nice.”

“I _mean _it,” warned Ford. “This isn’t one of your ‘get togethers,’ this is where I come from. . . my family. I won’t let _anything _happen to them, understand?”

Angel gave him a dull look and snickered. “Yeesh, Ford, take the ten foot dick outta’ yer ass. I ain’t gonna’ do anything. Probably.”

Ford narrowed his eyes. “Angel.”

“Den again, dis uh, Dipper, he sounds cute, ya’ think. . .”

“Angel!”

Angel hugged himself with laughs. “Wahaha, I’m just twistin’ yer nuts. The way ya’ goin’ on, I betcha’ into that too.”

Once more, Ford sighed. “Enough jokes, this is serious.”

He pointed to the device on the floor. “I’ve configured the charge here to account for two people, but, it’s for, uh, living people. I don’t know how it works with, er, beings from another dimension.”

Angel picked his teeth. “Da’ hell does that mean?”

Ford scratched his head. “I’m not sure.”

Angel stared, then shrugged. “Pfft. Fine, poindextah. So ya’ tellin’ me if I get fucked it’s your fault?”

“Nothing will happen,” assured Ford. “Nothing. I did the calculations backwards and forwards.”

“Wow, great.”

Ford wasn’t about to have his genius questioned. “Look, the only real concern is time. Based on my observations and data collecting it seems people who live in this realm are sort of attached to it. So, over time, they’ll deteriorate if exposed to another reality. The deterioration varies and it should. . .”

Angel’s eyes trailed away, before rolling them. As Ford continued to ramble on, he sauntered to the device and gave it a little kick, where it responded with an eruption of blue energy. Ford stopped and nearly shrieked, glaring at Angel.

The spider twirled his finger. “Less’go!”

Well, guess there was no turning back now. Ford cleared his throat and smoothed his hair. Travelling through interdimensional realities and time-hopping? A formality. Explaining to his family and his home in Falls about Angel Dust? Well. . .

He gestured to the device in polite display. “After you.”

Angel wore a manic grin like he were ready to jump into a drug fueled bender. In a way, maybe he was.

“Where am I gonna land, smartass?”

The machine whirled as more blue light and electricity blossomed from it platform. “Should be in my quarters,” said Ford, reassuring. He hoped, anyway.

Again, Angel shrugged. He stepped on the platform. As he did, the snakes of azure energy consumed him in a flash, crackling around his lithe frame until he appeared to vaporized right before Ford’s eyes. There was a small pulse, signifying he had gone “through.” Quick and easy, really.

Ford took a breath. Not because of the travel, more because he was heading home. It had been a while. He missed his family, especially Mabel and Dipper. Even that loudmouth Stan would be nice to see, if only to give him a hard time. But explaining to all of them about Angel Dust? Oh, universe help him, there was no scientific formula for that.

Well, no better way to test a hypothesis than execute it. He hoped this would turn out okay. He took a step on the platform before it engulfed him in that same bluish light, taking him and the machine back home, back to Gravity Falls.

-*-

Different.

It was different.

Come back home, to Earth, to his reality, timeline, everything. . . was different. In the best possible way, because it was familiar, known. No unexpected surprises lurking around a corner or foul mouthed him brandishing a shiv. Even his atoms seemed to rejoice at his return, his body filled with a delighted energy as Ford materialized back into the mortal domain. At first it appeared as a blur with muddled colors and sounds, but overtime his sight adjusted, and here he could recognize his surroundings.

His room was caked with dust and unattended scientific devices, machines he’d covered along with the memories they represented. He never expected to return to Gravity Falls, at least not this soon, and a swell of nostalgia overtook him. Trickles of light poured in through a window. Oh, that’s right, the _sun, _that existed. He’d been in Pentagram City for so long he’d forgotten all about natural light. Down There it was different. A lot of red and pink.

He coughed, waving his hand to clear clouds of dust blurring his vision. For a moment, he felt normal, at home. For a _moment._

“Holee FUCK!”

His ears burned. The accented wails of Angel Dust snared his attention. There was the spider, lithe body and all, gawking and ogling at his surroundings in utter bewilderment. Those mismatched eyes were so wide they might fall from his head, his arms drooping while another rubbed his hair tuft.

“Dis. . . dis is. . . we. . . we’ze really back!?”

Ford cleared his throat. The device underneath him whirred to a slumbering buzz, the dull electric blue energy dissipating. Once it quieted, the finality of their transition settled over the duo. Yes, they were “back,” or at least Ford was. What did Angel mean?

“This is Gravity Falls, yes,” said Ford, looking around. “Home sweet home. Or one of them.”

Angel Dust instantly stared at his gloved hands, wiggling fingers. He even slapped himself, unable to comprehend the environment around him.

“What in the name of Sagan are you doing?”

Angel stared blankly. “I thought dis’ was some fuckin’ prank or whatever, or we’d like, I dunno. . . I dunno! Fuuuuck me, it’s fuckin’ real!”

Ford was a bit surprised at Angel’s, well, surprise. “Did I. . . miss something?”

Angel whirled, looking at Ford. “What are ya’, a fuckin’ dope!? Never thought I’d see this ball o’ shit again. Hot fuckin’ shit, Fordy, you’ze is smart! Wahaha, this is it eh, dis’ really is home!”

Ford wasn’t quite following. “Uh. . .”

Angel sneered. “You ain’t as smart as you let on, specks. Ain’tcha figured it out? M’not s’posed to be here. Ya’ know, demon, from Hell, dead, that shit.”

Ford tilted his head. “Your home is another dimension.”

Angel snorted. “Baha, yeah, sure, tell ya’self that.”

The implications of what Angel meant didn’t sit right with Ford. No, Angel was clearly a being from a different part of time and space, not an actual demon, not from Earth. Right? There was no way. It couldn’t be. He was. . . sure of it.

Well, questions for later! It wasn’t important. Right now, he was _home. _Gravity Falls! Even in his dark room it filled him with a sense of joy. He’d be able to see the kids again, Mabel and Dipper. All those wacky residents of Falls too, like ah, Soos, and ah, those others, right, them. And even Stan, the crusty old grump. Of course, explaining. . . Angel to them was going to prove a task but, he could do that, right? He duped an interdimensional being, he could do this too, simple enough. It was just like a complex equation, and there was obviously a solution.

“I wonder if. . .”

Breaking his thoughts, a puff of pink smoke appeared from Angel’s palm, summoning a stylized Thompson submachine gun. Angel’s sneer shifted to a manic grin.

“STILL FUCKIN’ GOT IT!”

Oh no.

-*-

“AAAH!”

_“AAAAH!”_

Well, this was going well all ready.

They rushed to him, overjoyed, screaming and wailing as children are wont to do, promptly _colliding _into Ford, knocking him square on his ass. Mabel and Dipper laughed in hysteric excitement, choking the old scientist with hugs and babbling affection, looking between eacother, then Ford, then eachother again like this was all a crazy dream. Given what happened in the past, he didn’t blame them.

“Hah, kids!”

“GRUNKLE FORD!” they screeched in unison. What followed was an avalanche of words, their attempt to fill him in with _everything _that had happened since the events with Bill, and it all was about as coherent as one might expect. See: not at all.

“That’s. . . wonderful!” Ford grunted, pushing up from the ground. Ah, his suit was a little scuffed, but no worries. He adjusted his glasses, spying the ever-familiar Mystery Shack behind them. The afternoon sun ran across its faded paint and the air was tinted with the lingering scent of old trees, moss, and _magic. _Well, science-magic, but magic.

_“GrunkleFordIstartedasockpuppetbandandIhaven’tthoughtofanamebutyouhavetocometomyshowbecauseI’mdoingone-” _Mabel prattled, practically _floating _with excitement.

“I’ve got so many things to tell you!” sputtered Dipper. “Oh, oh Grunkel Ford I’ve been doing experiments, and discoveries, and recording, and, and, and – look, see!”

Dipper shuffled in one of his pockets, bringing out a small black book with a sticker on it. “You’ve gotta look and tell me what you think and-”

Ford laughed. “Kids, kids, easy! It’s great to see you! But can an old man stand at least?”

They breathed, realizing what was going on, then backed up, enough for Ford to wobble to his feet. He dusted off his pants, rubbing scuff from his glasses, looking between them.

He smiled. Oh, _kids. _Stars above, Mabel and Dipper, his pride and joy. Some of the best family he could ask for, so bright and full of life. He didn’t realize how _badly _he’d missed them up until this point, or how _long _it had all really been. Weeks, months? Felt more like eons. Too long, for his taste.

They seemed to “feel it” too, hugging his legs. His heart warmed over and he pat them on the head. “You two. Kids! Hahah! I missed you!”

He swung arms around them and picked them up, giving them a firm hug. “We’ve got _some _catching up to do, I tell you!”

The feeling was mutual. The kids returned his embrace with equal enthuse before he set them back down.

“What are you doing back here?” Dipper started, pacing. “I mean I’m happy but confused but happy but _wow!”_

“It was for my rippin’ sock puppet plays, right?” said Mabel with a finger-gun. “It’s _really _good! I’ve even got shippers! Oh the drama’s been scandalous!”

Ford quirked a brow. “What? Drama?”

Mabel laughed. “Oh, Grunky Ford shippers be _cray cray.”_

Dipper raised a hand. “Mabel, please, stuff the socks in the drawer! Grunkle Ford didn’t come all the way back to hear about. . . wait. . .”

He looked at Ford’s attire which carried the unusual “tint” of Pentagram City. “Where _have _you been?”

Ahahahaa. Hah. _Ah._

Ford rubbed the back of his head. “Wehehell, ahhh, thing about that. Hmm, let’s see, ah.”

He dawned the thinker’s pose. Okay, really, how in science was he going to explain this? C’mon Ford, think, you’ve built interdimensional portals and helped outwit cosmic beings, this shouldn’t be hard.

“Jee-zus, specks, ya’ plannin’ on introducin’ me anytime soon or ya just dashin’ off like a one-night stand?”

GHGH.

Oh no. Ford spun, raising his hands. “ANGELWAITHANGONASE-“

Before he could, the spider strut forward. Maybe it was the sun but reality _really _had a way of emphasizing how tall he was. Now, no longer drenched in the light of Hell, his features were visible, and he _dazzled. _He wasted no time pushing himself into view, mismatched eyes coming down to the kids.

“AH! ALIEN!” shrieked Dipper, stumbling back.

“GRUNKLE FORD WATCH OUT!” screamed Mabel, procuring a sock.

“Waitwaitwaitwait!” Ford said, raising arms. “Settle down, settle down, everything’s fine!”

Angel squinted. “Da hell did ya’ just call me?”

“B-b-but Grunkel Ford!” protested Dipper. “W-what is that!?”

Ford sighed. Wow, secrets out, that didn’t take long. Also, the screaming didn’t help. “Not a _what, _Dipper. _Who.”_

He glanced to Angel, who returned with a manic, suggestive grin. “Kids. . . this is. . .”

Angel snickered, batting his arm. “Go on _Fordy. _Spill it. Tell em’ allllll about me.”

Ford paused. Oh god.

“This. . . is my friend, Angel D-. Uh. Angel.”

Angel scoffed. “He means _Angel Dust. _Cause ya’ know, I’m addictive like dat.”

Dipper gawked. Truly, he’d seen some things in his time at Gravity Falls, and this wasn’t the _strangest. _But given the area’s past experiences with non-human entities, this was, well, _something else._

Ford gave a nervous chuckle. “Care to let me explain?”

-*-

So, Ford explained. To the best of his abilities, at least, because describing _Pentagram City _to the young, innocent minds of his niece and nephew was as complicated as a whiteboard full of complex math equations. He had to tell them he was researching a new dimension and it was odd and that he and Angel were friends. He _obviously _skipped right over the things Angel did to him, though he could tell the spider was _really _eager to talk about it.

But as Ford went on, the kids listened, and they seemed to settle down. In fact, they got a little comfortable. After all, their uncle was smart and capable. If he could trust this “Angel Dust,” so could they!

“So. . . you’re. . . from another dimension?” inquired Dipper, looking the tall spider over.

“Dat’s what poindexter here said, yeah.”

Dipper blinked. Then, he smiled. “That’s. . . so. . . AMAZING!”

Angel blinked. He watched the little runt pace back and forth. “The implications! That’s so cool! I-I don’t know where to begin! What’s it like where you are!? What kind of food, are you a species, can you, I. . .”

Angel couldn’t help himself. Aww, that was sweet. He tilted his head with laughter. “Easy, squirt, easy. I charge for autographs, ya’ know.”

Ford tried to step in. “Don’t worry Dipper, we’ll explain more later.”

Mabel, however, caught Angel’s statement. “Autographs?” she said with growing enthuse. “Wait, you mean like, autographs, that you get, when you’re like. . . I don’t know, a star. Like a super successful puppet show host, star. . . like _that?”_

Angel covered his mouth, trying to fight back laughter. “Ahaha, you better b’lieve it kiddo! I’m a biiiig deal where I come from.”

Her eyes sparkled. “REALLY?”

“Yup.”

“WHAT DO YOU DO!?”

Ford _immediately _coughed and interrupted. “Kids, kids, please! Slow down! He’s had a long trip and so have I! I’m just showing him around the old place, you know?”

Mabel didn’t hear it. “Wait, _wait! _Will you sign my pig!?”

Before Angel could answer, she was already scampering off. Angel’s eyes widened, curious. “Wait, pig? Dat what she said?”

Ford managed a chuckle. “Well I see things haven’t changed _too _much since I’ve been gone.”

Dipper watched his sister run off before looking back to the magnetic spider. “Sorry, sorry! It’s just so much at once. I mean first you show up and surprise and then you bring a friend and. . . I don’t even know where to begin!”

Ford rubbed his head. “It’s all right, Dipper, we have plenty of time to catch up. It’s great to see you and Mabel again. I missed you both.”

Dipper smiled back. “Yeah. Yeah we did too, Grunkel.”

The spider looked between the two and his heart fluttered. Oh. Oh, that was so cute. He saw how the kids loved Ford and them back, how much warmth and belonging they shared. This was a family of people who cared about each other, something he was so. . . unfamiliar with.

A series of squeals and shrieks broke the conversation. Mabel came rushing back, this time with a plump pig in her arms, the little oink known as Waddles. Angel spied this, gasped, pushing two of his extra hands together.

“N’ohmhygod!” whispered Angel. “Lookatem!”

Mabel rushed up, panting, showing off her pig proudly. “Please. . . sign. . . my. . . pig. . .”

Angel looked at Ford, fighting a teary smile. “I _love her.”_

At once, the spider squat down, coming to eye level with the pig and Mabel. “Awww, look at dis little fella! He’s so fat! Ehehehe! What’s his name, sweetie?”

Mabel looked proud, grinning. “Waddles!”

Angel Dust beamed. “He’s a little tike! Nyehehe! Ya’ take real good care of em’, yeah? Aww he’s happy, I can tell!”

Angel tickled the little oink, carefully, much like he did with Fat Nuggets. The pig squirmed in happy wiggles before Angel procured a pen from his pocket and made a fancy signature on the oink’s tummy.

It didn’t take a genius to see this was going _really _well. Far better than Ford could ever have expected, even. Angel was already taking a shining to the kids and, thankfully, their fears dropped fast. And Angel was alarmingly good with kids, his temperament softening and tone changing to something sweet and kind. It was uh. . . very attractive.

“Dipper,” he said as Mabel and Angel talked about pigs. “Where’s uh, Stanley?”

This was all well and good, but breaking the news to Stan? That was another challenge in itself.

Before Dipper could respond. . .

“Hey kids! Where are ya! I need you to help me wax my back again! Like I’m turnin’ into a gorilla back here!”

Appearing from the side of the building, his gut hanging out from wife-beater and shorts, fez adorned on hat, was Ford’s brother. Stan Pines, one half of a dysfunctional relationship that had weathered, well, a lot.

When his eyes trailed over to see Ford, he stopped. Angel Dust saw the newcomer, standing, crossing his arms.

“Woof,” said the spider. “Ey Fordy, who’s da old bear? He looks just like ya’. Er, well, if you’ze was fat.”

Stan saw Angel Dust and screamed. “KIDS! GET THE GUN!’

Angel laughed, and Ford sighed.

“My brother,” he answered flatly.

Well, Ford Pines. Welcome home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel bonding with kids is NEVER. GOING. TO. GET. OLD.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I can't resist writing Angel fawning over kids, I can't.


End file.
